Do
you ever worry about the NHS?
Well
perhaps you should.
These
are sentences actually typed by medical secretaries in Glasgow.
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The patient has no previous history of suicides.
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Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.
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Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only
a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
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She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was
very hot in bed last night.
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Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
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On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
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The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
depressed.
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The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
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Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.
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Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.
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Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
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She is numb from her toes down.
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While in casualty, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
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The skin was moist and dry.
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Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
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Patient was alert and unresponsive.
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Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
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She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until
she got a divorce.
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Both
breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
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Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
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The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
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Skin: somewhat pale, but present.
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The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.
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Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
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Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
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When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
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The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane
ran out of fuel and crashed.
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Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
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She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions
in early December.
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Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. 'Smith', who felt we should
sit on the abdomen and I agree.
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The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as
a stock broker instead.
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By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was
feeling better.
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