CONNECTIONS to HEALTH

You know you're over 50 when...   Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a more manageable size. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?" People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. Things you buy now won't wear out. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M. You can live without sex but not without your glasses. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations. You get into heated arguments about pension plans. You have a party and the neighbours don't even realise it. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. You stop trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. You sing along with the music in lifts. Your eyes can't get much worse. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. You can't remember where you read this list.   Songs for the over fifties   Paul Simon--"Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver" Carly Simon--"You're So Varicose Vein" The Bee Gees--"How Can You Mend a Broken Hip" Roberta Flack--"The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face" Johnny Nash--"I Can't See Clearly Now" The Temptations--"Papa Got a Kidney Stone" Nancy Sinatra--"These Boots Give Me Arthritis" ABBA--"Denture Queen" Leo Sayer--"You Make Me Feel Like Napping" Commodores--"Once, Twice, Three Trips to the Bathroom" Procol Harem--"A Whiter Shade of Hair" The Beatles--"I Get By with a Little Help From Depends" Steely Dan--"Rikki Don't Lose Your Car Keys" Herman's Hermits--"Mrs. Brown You've Got a Lovely Walker" The Rolling Stones--"You Can't Always Pee When You Want" Credence Clearwater Revival--"Bad Prune Rising" Marvin Gaye--I Heard It Through the Grape Nuts" The Who--"Talkin' 'Bout My Medication" The Troggs--"Bald Thing"

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